Pets are family members to me.
I love pets but I don't want to have one.
This is all because...

The story started from 1998, when I was standard 5.
My cousin (ME!) bought 2 tortoises and she left them in my house.
I was the one who took up the responsibility to take care of them.
I felt nothing at first.
I just helped them clean, changed water and fed them.
But day by day, year by year, I felt that I started to build up a relationship with them.
From a stranger to a friend and lastly, a family member.

How did this relationship build up?
I don't really know.
I just cleaned and fed them.
Nothing much actually.
Just that, I talk to them sometimes... (WEIRDO!)
And by the way they look at me, I feel as if they're really listening to me.

Long Tail is a bright coloured and healthy tortoise.
Short Tail so pale and its face seems like it's sick.
I admit that I love Short Tail more than Long Tail.
Because I feel that Long Tail always bully Short Tail.
Long Tail always step on Short Tail and eat more than Short Tail.
That's why I love Short Tail more.
But it does not mean that I dislike Long Tail.

One day, I came back from school.
My sister told me a news and it didnt feel anything.
I felt that I hated Long Tail.
I felt like wanted to separate Long Tail from Short Tail.
My sister told me that Short Tail only has 3 legs now.
I quickly went to take a look on Short tail.
I could see its' white bones.
Its left front hand broke off.
I finally separate them.
I heard Short Tail's voice.
It was crying...
Like a newly born baby...
My heart was broken.
I scolded Long Tail
Why was it so inconsiderate? Why didn't he take care of Short Tail?

After few weeks, Long Tail suddenly died.
Yes it was Long Tail but not Short Tail.
It's suppose to be Short Tail that died, right?
Because of losing the arm.
But it was really Long Tail who left me.

I felt so hurt.
That morning I was cleaning their back as usual.
Long Tail did not open its eyes.
And when I touch its head, its' eyes was still closed.
And it did not have any respond.
That moment, I knew that it had left me.
I told my mum and my mum just took it from my hand and threw it away.
I just stood there for several minutes.
I didn't even cry.

My mum said that she would help me throw it to the big dustbin outside our house.
And I just gave her an involuntary respond : oh...
Then I continued cleaning Short Tail's back and fed it.

A few days later, as usual, I cleaned short tail and fed it.
My heart was filled with pain and sourness.
But I still didnt cry out.

Day by day and year by year (in truth, it was actually 2 weeks!),
I keep on thinking why did Long Tail will suddenly die?

I thought it was my fault.
And it really wass !!!

The box that I put Long Tail and Short Tail is small but it was able to fit both of them.
I thought that if I'd put some stone in, the box would look nicer.
But right after I put the stones into the box, Short Tail's left front arm was swollen.

It was my fault, I did not take it to see a vet.
My parents sure do not agree me to send it to vet. Reason, it is so so so expensive. It is just a tortoise, no need see any doctor. My mum will say. So I just hope Short Tail will recover soon. But do not. After a long time, Short Tail lose its arm. And Long Tail die suddenly. I think hard and try to relate the incident.

Finally, I can give a perfect answer to myself. Long Tail actually is protecting Short Tail from the toxic or poison from the red and swollen arm. So it try to break off Short Tail's arm. When Long Tail did it is actually sacrifice its life. The poison or toxic enter to its body. And finally it dies. Just my thinking and assumption. But this is the perfect answer I can give to myself.

I separate them make Long Tail more sad and disappointed to its owner. For not understand Long Tail. I am so sorry Long Tail. I am so so so sorry. When i see you do not eat as much as usual, I should know you are sick. I suppose send you to vet. but I do not do so. I am not taking care of you and I am not responsible at all. I said you are my family member but never take good care of you. I am so sorry. And when you die, I just let my mum throw you into the dustbin. I am not a good owner.Back to Short Tail, when I was Form 3, I release it to a pond at Tasik Permaisuri. I feel so sad when I make this decision. My parents do not give me $$$ to buy food for it. Do not buy new house for it. And that time, I was busy to prepare for my PMR exam. So finally I make this decision. One day, my dad send mt to Tasik Permaisuri and I walk walk walk, walk for a long way, just to find a good place for it. Finally I found it. I put Short Tail in to the pond but do not release my hands. I think will it die in this pond. It can swim or not? 3 legs can swim? It can find food to eat? Got other tortoises bully Short Tail or not?My dad said let go of your hand. It know how to swim. It is a tortoise! Finally I let go my hands. I almost want to cry out. Once I let go of my hands, Short Tail swim happily... Swim around happily. Then stop there for a moment. And Short Tail look back to me. I feel that it is actually saying goodbye and see you again. I feel it. And then it swim back deep to the pond.

After this incident happened, whoever talk, whenever it is and wherever I am - all about tortoise, I will cry. And I will think of Long Tail first, then only remind me for Short Tail. I feel so sorry for Long Tail. Short Tail remind me the sweet memory we had.
Long Tail and Short Tail were my first pets and they will be my last pets I think. I am so afraid to enter this kind of relationship. I scare of separation. I afraid if they left me behind again.

My sister now has a fish. My brother has a tortoise. I sometime when free, I will help feed them and help them clean aquarium. But I never brave enough to start the relationship with them. Never put my heart for them. My heart already filled by Long Tail and Short Tail. When I go to Tasik Permaisuri, I will try to search for Short Tail. Sometimes, I feel like I smell them. Long Tail come back visit me. Haha... Sound funny, right? But I do smell that smell sometimes. And this smell remind our moment together.

I do not have their pictures. But Long Tail and Short Tail